Comparing QPR’s ‘ugly’ victory to pulling ‘not the best looking bird’ and discussing Cristiano Ronaldo’s c**k December 23, 2020 – Posted in: Soccer
Ian Holloway is undoubtedly one of the most colourful characters in football.
The talkSPORT favourite, who announced his resignation as manager of League Two strugglers Grimsby Town on Wednesday morning, has never been afraid to express his views on any given topic.
Here we’ve delved through the archives to pick out some of Holloway’s best quotes – and there are plenty of them so enjoy!
On winning ugly…
A 3-0 home win is enough to send most managers home feeling content on a Saturday evening – but not Ian Holloway.
While the then QPR boss was pleased to see his side record a second successive victory on home soil at the beginning of the 2003/04 campaign, the manner of the performance was somewhat lacklustre.
And Holloway made that much pretty clear after the game when speaking to reporters, in what was, and remains, one of the most hilarious press conference exchanges of all time!
“To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best,” he said.
“Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi.
“She weren’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let’s have a coffee.”
On his admiration for Cristiano Ronaldo…
Back in 2008, Holloway expressed his love for the world renowned superstar in his BBC column. God knows what he would say about the Juventus forward now considering all the other accolades he’s picked up during the last 12 years!
“He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him,” he commented.
“Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – that would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his c**k’s massive.”
Holloway makes the case for video technology in his own inimitable style back in 2009…
VAR has proved to be a massive talking point following it’s introduction in the Premier League this season.
And if Holloway would have had his way, it would have been around more than a decade ago!
“Why haven’t they got cameras? The officials can speak to each other easily enough now,” he explained.
“Why aren’t we using laptops that are linked up and can give a decision in five seconds? A chimpanzee could do it – with not much training.”
On comparing the transfer window to buying milk…
Holloway has never been a massive fan of the transfer window as a manager, as demonstrated below!
“It’s been an absolute living nightmare, to be honest,” he said during his time as Blackpool boss.
“It is just ludicrous, I don’t see who it benefits at all. When my wife’s shopping, we need some milk and bread on a regular basis.
“We can’t buy it all at the start and then wait until January because it would have all gone off.”
On the idea of a winter World Cup in 2022…
Ollie made it crystal clear he wasn’t a big fan of Sepp Platter and Michel Platini during his Blackpool days – and FIFA for that matter.
It’s safe to say he wasn’t keen on the idea of a winter World Cup taking place – which is going ahead in two years time – and once went on an incredible rant airing his frustrations.
“I think the world has gone completely on its head. It’s crazy. We’ll just change everything because their weather is really hot,” he exclaimed.
“What happens to our football and everybody else’s that would be playing through it? Do we just stop for a while? Genius, absolutely magnificent.
“I’m going to go home and tell my turkeys, ‘It’s not Christmas, we’re moving it – it’s all right, you’ve got some respite! I’ve had a word with FIFA and we’re going to move Christmas, it’s no problem’.”
On Tony Fernandes and Steve McClaren…
In an explosive interview with talkSPORT last year, Holloway let rip at the aforementioned pair, accusing Fernandes of speaking to former England boss McClaren behind his back before axing him at the end of the 2017/18 campaign.
“This is all about the owners at the end of the day,” he claimed. “If they want someone else who they’ve always had an eye on, then what can you do?
“The fact is somebody had been talking to someone else and were told they had the job in December .
“Certain things should work a certain way, but I can’t control who the owner talks to, can I?
“If I was his girlfriend [Tony Fernandes] and he’s talking to someone else [Steve McClaren] that isn’t my fault, is it? Does it hurt? Course it bloody does, especially if he fancies her more, but that’s life.”
On Joey Barton mooning Everton fans…
In a BBC column back in 2006, Holloway leapt to the defence of then Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton, who had caused quite the stir by deciding to bare his backside to Everton fans during a Premier League clash at Goodison Park.
“It was a bit cheeky wasn’t it? But I don’t think it was that bad. It would have been worse if he’d turned round and dropped the front of his shorts instead.
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a couple of butt cheeks personally. If anybody’s offended by seeing a backside, get real.
“Maybe they’re just jealous that he’s got a real nice tight one, with no cellulite or anything.”
After securing promotion to the Championship with QPR…
Following a promotion-clinching win at Sheffield Wednesday on the last day of the 2003/04 campaign, Holloway was in great spirits after the game – and once more delivered a great one-liner!
He said: “Every dog has its day, and today is woof day! Today I just want to bark!”
After witnessing his QPR side record a 1-0 victory against Cardiff in December 2005, Holloway felt rather frisky after the game!
He said: “I couldn’t be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season!”
Best of the rest….
Responding to bids for his Blackpool captain Charlie Adam…
“Dream on! If they want to insult me by only offering £3.5million and then get it all over the paper and try to upset me well, sorry, they’re barking up the wrong tree, they’re messing with the wrong dog and I’ll come and bite them.”
On QPR’s financial situation…
“It’s like the film Men in Black. I walk around in a black suit, white shirt and black tie where I’ve had to flash my white light every now and again to erase some memories, but I feel we’ve got hold of the galaxy now. It’s in our hands.”
“Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.”
On Rooney’s transfer saga at Man United…
“If Alex Ferguson is being bullied by a player and his agent, how wrong is the game? They say it’s not fair on the player. Rubbish.
“The player has had his wages every week. They bought him, they worked with him, he belongs to them. It’s so obvious.”
On Darren Bent’s transfer value…
“If Darren Bent is £24 million, the game has gone mad. You can’t buy a four-bedroom house for the price of a two-bedroom house.”
On a particularly poor run at QPR…
“I’ve had such bad luck at the moment that if I fell in a barrel of boobs I’d come out sucking my thumb.”
“I watched Arsenal in the Champions League the other week playing some of the best football I’ve ever seen, and yet they couldn’t have scored in a brothel with two grand in their pockets!”